The immediate context for the essay “Necessary Edges: Arts, Empathy, and Education,” was originally published on the World Post in January 2014. The author of the essay is Yo-Yo Ma, who is a cellist and a songwriter. Ma began his journey at the age of five and has won over seventeen Grammy Awards. He has also received multiple other awards as he has produced more than ninety albums. Ma is also a graduate of Juilliard School and Harvard University.

The imposed context that surround my personal experience with the essay is that I realized living in America, that a STEM education has been pushed on me, without even knowing that a STEAM education exists. After reading, I understand that a STEAM education is very important, as it opens up the minds capacity to innovate. With integrating art into the education system it builds flexible thinking and disciplined imagination. With having art in the education system, it teaches, “that there is something that connects us all and is bigger than each of us” (Ma 259). With having a STEAM education it will help aid with students passion to attend school instead of having a despising mindset because it is required. The purpose of this text is to also gain a better understanding on art itself and how it plays a huge part in our everyday lives and when it comes to schooling to be a well rounded student. Last, the texts is important because we learn about the teachings of empathy and how having empathy is essential to be a better person.

For the internal context, the rhetorical situation for this essay is that art is being taken away from education and art plays a huge role in teaching kids empathy. The scope is that the whole education system itself. The changes being made are wrong and we should really be incorporating art more. The “so what,” the point of this essay is that art is important in an education system, more than we might think. Art helps create a balance, “Only when science and the arts, critical and empathetic reasoning, are linked to the mainstream will we find a sustainable balance in society” (Ma 260).

Tandem: having two things arranged one in front of the other (Google)

Bandwidth: the energy or mental capacity required to deal with a situation (Google)

Lemmings: a person who unthinkingly joins a mass movement, especially a headlong rush to destruction (Google)

Original 1:

On the EA website it states, “Talented people can have a greater impact by working directly in important problems than by donating,” and to me this is hit a realization point and it is so true.

Revised 1:

In contrast to Southans beliefs of art the EA believes donating and/or time is a better way to spend ones life.The EA website states, “Talented people can have a greater impact by working directly on important problems than by donating” (cite) and I believe this is so true and they make a very convincing argument.  

Original 2:

In Southans article, he quotes Peter Singer when he says, “If you accept the shallow-pond analogy, everyone is horrific,” if you accept this then you’re shallow.

 Revised 2:

In Southans article, he quotes Peter Singer pond analogy when he says, “If you accept the shallow-pond analogy, everyone is horrific” (cite) to ponder the question of one’s ethical duties in addition to the EAs beliefs in regards to whether or not you would jump in a lake to save a little girl that you didn’t push in. Accept this, and what have we succumbed to?  

Part 2:

These brazilian people and places, favelas, were assumed to be “unwelcoming, dangerous, ugly places,” the main host Raz claimed that, “And what you were trying to do is to change that perception by actually sort of overlaying this beautiful piece of artwork over the favela.” People started to notice the artwork and realized that the residents were being looked at as artists and not criminals. Jeroen and Urhahn noticed that they need to build up this energy and put more work around Rio, so they did.

Part 2 fixed:

These brazilian people and places, favelas, were assumed to be “unwelcoming, dangerous, ugly places”(cite) and these artists wanted to change that perception. Jeroen and Urhahn took this idea and built up energy to put more work around Rio.

Before Intro:

The form of art is introduced to people at a young age. Overtime, we as people come to realize that art is everywhere and comes in all different forms. Throughout schooling, art is usually a required course and as students get older they question if it is actually important or not. Students just go through the motions and learn different styles and skills of art and find out what like like and don’t like to do, but it isn’t thought out in deep consideration.  So is art important or is it a waste of time? Rhys Southan would argue that life is unlivable without art, whereas, the Effective Altruism Movement (EA) would argue that it is a waste of time and people should be focusing on world problems like suffering. This world is a big place, with different people, with many different opinions. As for me, I had originally thought art was a waste of time, but with consideration after looking and reading into it, I learned that art is in fact, essential. Its essential for us as human beings to grow and learn whether we realize it or not. If you go to dictionary.com the definition of art is, “the quality, production, expression, or realm, according to aesthetic principles, of what is beautiful, appealing, or of more than ordinary significance,” or “the class of objects subject to aesthetic criteria; works of art collectively, as paintings, sculptures, or drawings: a museum of art; an art collection.” Art has many paths and it’s all up to the “artist” to create where they want to take their imagination and thought and perspectives.

After Intro:

Art is introduced to people at a young age. Overtime, we as people come to realize that art is everywhere and comes in all different forms. Throughout schooling, art is usually a required course and as students get older they question if it is actually important or not. Students go through the motions and learn different styles and skills of art, attempting to find out what they do and do not like to do, but typically make the decision without deep consideration.  In my own personal experience, growing up and having art classes in school, we went through units. We learned techniques of texture and color. We went through weeks of painting, drawing, sculpting, photography, printmaking, and video. We had the opportunity to get a ‘taste’ of what each type of art is about. While going through the units I came to realize that I enjoyed the aspect of drawing. When I felt more passionate, my work came out better. I also realized that I didn’t enjoy painting that much as I would always get frustrated when I had to mix colors. Any day that I had to paint, I wasn’t as excited as I would be if I was drawing a portrait of my favorite actress.  So is art important or is it a waste of time?

Rhys Southan would argue that life is unlivable without art, whereas, the Effective Altruism Movement (EA) would argue that it is a waste of time and people should be focusing on world problems like suffering, where people are struggling in their daily lives. This world is a big place, with different people, with many different opinions. As for me, I had originally thought art was a waste of time, but with consideration after looking and reading into it, I learned that art is essential because it allows human beings to grow and learn whether we realize it or not. If you go to dictionary.com the definition of art is, “the quality, production, expression, or realm, according to aesthetic principles, of what is beautiful, appealing, or of more than ordinary significance,” or “the class of objects subject to aesthetic criteria; works of art collectively, as paintings, sculptures, or drawings: a museum of art; an art collection.” Art has many paths and it’s all up to the “artist” where they take their creativity. When artists express themselves, it can bring out any emotion for a person who looks at their work. It can bring them happiness, hope, and a new outlook on life.

Before Body:

On the EA website it states, “Talented people can have a greater impact by working directly in important problems than by donating,” and to me this is hit a realization point and it is so true. Even though people may be donating to help a cause, which is crucial, it is not as crucial as helping out hands on and learning and discovering how to cure a disease. Also, on the website was, “Issues that are salient to us are probably also salient to others like us, so it’s likely there will be lots of other people working on those issues. This might mean that our additional efforts have even less impact. So going with whichever cause we’re first drawn to seems like a bad strategy.” I understand that it is satisfying if the work is put into deep thought and energized into the right ‘cause’. Research has to be done beforehand.

After Body:

On the EA website it states, “Talented people can have a greater impact by working directly in important problems than by donating,” and to me this is hit a realization point and it is so true. Even though people may be donating to help a cause, which is crucial, it is not as crucial as helping out hands on and learning and discovering how to cure a disease. To the EA hands on work gets more done than just by handing over money. The EA are also, “more interested in how we could use art to reduce the suffering of humans, animals, and future beings.” If we put more emphasis on using art to express feeling and ways of life, society would be more apt to include everybody. We can learn that by using art to express people’s emotions, we then can open our eyes to understand more clearly, that we are all the same on some level. We can learn that art is capable of being used in more than one way. Instead of being used for just personal enjoyment, it can be used to to give others happiness and memories.

A change that I made was to my introduction paragraph. I fixed peer edits and reworded a couple of my sentences to make them sound better and stronger. I also split my introduction paragraph into two because it was too long and flowed better as two separate paragraphs instead of one. Especially since the two paragraphs have two different ideas, even though they are connected.  A change to my body paragraph was practically rewriting it. It was messy, it didn’t make too much sense, and didn’t support the claims I was making earlier in my essay. I kept the beginning part of the essay and made a whole new counter argument to what the EA says. Referencing the W-4, I looked towards the W-4d: When to Start a New Paragraph and W-4b: Strategies for Developing the Main Point.

My peer view experience went well, as I enjoyed hearing critiques from multiple people instead on one. I liked to hear their different opinions and hearing their corrections that were the same. My goal is to make my main argument clear and put my own views into my writing. My plan to fix my rough draft into my final draft is to re-read my own essay again and make corrections, then look at the corrections my peers made. From here I will fix what I can and move sentences around and change sentences. A big fix that I have to make it my body paragraphs and rewriting them to make an essay with a view, not statements. To do this, I most likely will go back and read all my old blog posts and go to the reading texts we have read and look at past markups I have made to refresh my memory and ideas, in hopes it will spark a route for me to take. I will take a new piece of paper and write down all the arguments I want to make and then connect points together so I know the essay will make sense when I write it into words. On this piece of paper, I will also write down strong quotes to backup my points. Since I have to change a big part of my essay, when done writing, I will have to go back and make sure I have a clear thesis, my opening and closing paragraphs connect, and make sure my essay flows. My biggest challenge is actually in fact doing so. I have always struggled with just summarizing the text I have read. With this essay in particular, I can’t seem to find out what exactly to say and how to get a point across. When a problem comes up that proves too difficult for me to solve  on my own, I will most likely ask my friends for guidance and help. But, if I still am lost and do not know what to do, I will most likely go to the Student Academic Success Center (SASC) for writing help. It would be a smart decision for me to set up a tutoring session, since I have never been the best at writing and I am still a little lost on this whole essay and how to actually set up my main idea.

A comment I made on a peers paper was, “Put this sentence in the beginning of your paragraph.” This peer was very good at writing and stating points and explaining them with examples from the text. But, as I came across this one particular sentence it just seemed to be misplaced and would sound better in the beginning of the paragraph, rather than the end. This would fit under the category of organization because it involves moving a piece of writing to another spot to help make the paragraph stronger and flow.

A second comment I made was, “On resources and spending too much time to create these pieces” and “getting access to these resources.” I wrote these after a couple sentences because it would help further this peers paper as it is giving a little bit more information from what they had. One of these comments was a correction of wording in the sentence because as I was reading, it didn’t sound right. This would fit under the category of evidence. This is because the writer was making a claim/statement and by rewording or adding a little information to what was already said makes the peers evidence and explanation stronger.

A third comment I made was, “Even if people try to disagree he needs to stay strong in his beliefs and what he knows and has learned. He can shape society by having this mindset. A positive domino effect. Not to let anyone change his mind. Relates back to art: Southan stays strong in his heart with continuing to make art because it’s what makes him happy. The EA tried to make him feel guilty.” This comment was a little long, but this peer had asked for help with ideas on how to finish up the last paragraph and how to tie what she was saying all together for her last point. So that is what I did. I added some of my thoughts to add on what she was explaining. This would fall under the category of ideas because as I said, she needed ideas on how to finish up her thought and how to wrap it all up.  

This time around editing, I feel like focusing on global edits over local edits was a lot more useful and helpful. I have always somewhat enjoyed editing other people’s work. For myself, I am not the best writer, or editor, but getting a change to read other peoples work in their writing process definitely helps me to be a better writer. By editing other work, I have a chance to learn how to better structure my sentences and it has also aided in making my grammar better. I also want to gain a bigger vocabulary to help make my own essay sound stronger. When reading I can see others thoughts and their process and compare it to my own and can see where I myself might have gotten lost trying to explain a thought. Reading different styles of writings and opinions are pretty cool and making bigger, global edits has more of an impact, even if it takes a little extra time to do.

After reading other people’s introductions, I chose to comment on Aaron’s post. His post in particular and had a very different approach. These essays that we have to write about, revolve around art and Aaron’s introduction paragraph hasn’t mentioned the aspect of art yet, but he leads the reader into a thinking state and gets the reader wondering. Reading other introductions has definitely helped me since I have been struggling with where exactly I want to go with my essay. I could approach it in many different ways, I could ask a question to get the reader thinking or even approach my essay similar like Aaron’s, by not revealing my opinion right away. This idea allows the reader to be interested in finding out the meaning of the essay, by continuing to read.  

Rhys Southan’s text “Is Art a Waste of Time” focuses on his interest and love for art and its importance for the world. Whereas, he also wrote about the Effective Altruism Movement (EA) who he worked with alongside, as they were people who focused on wanting to, “reduce suffering and increase lifespan and happiness.” They believe that art isn’t necessarily helping and is infact a waste of time. According to the EA, one’s action and helpfulness depends on the quality of their thinking and time. One must efficiently help the world and go above and beyond, rather than just doing the minimum. Another important claim the EA has is that small contributions are somewhat pointless as they do nothing to really help the world. As to why they continue to believe bigger actions are crucial.  The EA has a lot of strong opinions and one is that every person in this world could be and should be, “doing more than they currently are.” Nothing is ever enough. As Rhys writes he makes it seem that artists should feel bad for their work, but stays strong in his belief that art is extremely important for the human as “the world would be unlivable without art.” To Rhys, art is pleasing, satisfying, and calming for the human mind. With two different opinions in this text, it is up to the reader to interpret exactly what they themselves believe, as both sides have very convincing arguments.

After reading this text, I listened to the TED talk between Guy Raz, Dre Urhahn, and artist, Jeroen Koolhaas. Jeroen won a competition to make a documentary in Rio, for MTV.  Originally, Jeroen and Urhahn went to Rio to make the documentary about Brazilian hip hop music in festivals. But, as these two men were constantly spending their time with the people, their project took a complete turn and ended up making a product that was even better than they had intended. The idea of their new project was to change people’s minds on their preconceived ideas on people and places. These men wanted people to think and “confront” their own minds. By doing this they would make a visual statement of a giant mural that would spread across multiple buildings. But, to look at this mural you would have to stand far away to see view it as a whole. Jeroen and Urhahn stayed in Brazil to do this project. They started off painting on three houses of a boy flying a kite, but everything was painted blue and the kite was not visible. Adults and kids claimed that they had to change what they were doing because blue was the color of a prison cell and they wanted to see the kite. These brazilian people and places, favelas, were assumed to be “unwelcoming, dangerous, ugly places,” the main host Raz claimed that, “And what you were trying to do is to change that perception by actually sort of overlaying this beautiful piece of artwork over the favela.” People started to notice the artwork and realized that the residents were being looked at as artists and not criminals. Jeroen and Urhahn noticed that they need to build up this energy and put more work around Rio, so they did.

After reviewing Rhys text and watching a TED talk, the two have a couple connections between them. This being of efficient thinking, love and dedication, and social class. Efficient thinking is relevant for any type/form of art as Southan points out that helping hands on instead of just donating money to a cause will make more of an impact. As for the two painters, they unintentionally started a project and used their own thinking and decided to make it bigger and spread the project further.  They spread their project to grow and make an impact. When it comes to love and dedication, both are needed when it comes to art or any form of work in one’s life. For Southan, the work that the EA are doing requires a lot of effort and love and dedication. They also believe that everyone in the world should help out, which again will require dedication and love for what they are contributing to. For artists, creating work around the world and traveling for long periods of time and creating masterpieces will require love and dedication. Last, social class, which somewhat has different views between the text and video. In the text, it is said that if one possesses more money than they should contribute more of that to the world. Whereas, in the video, social class was looked down upon and the people themselves weren’t looked at as an individual. Although, I don’t have a specific focus point for my essay, I feel as if I have a good start and have an idea on what direction to head in. Personally, I believe art is very important in a person’s life and has tremendous impacts. This brainstorming session helped quite a bit, as writing down my thoughts made it easier to connect Southan to my TED talk of choice.

After looking on the Effective Altruism (EA) website and reading who they were and what they were all about, my views changed a tiny bit. Reading their website allowed me to open my mind to understand more about them. For the most part, my views pretty much stayed the same as art is very impactful in ones life. With my second experience, I came to realize that even though art can reduce suffering its the way that it is handled is what matters. On the EA website it states, “Talented people can have a greater impact by working directly in important problems than by donating,” and to me this is hit a realization point and it is so true. Even though people may be donating to help a cause, which is crucial, it is not as crucial as helping out hands on and learning and discovering how to cure a disease.  When first reading Rhys Southan’s text, this is something I overlooked. Another point that I had overlooked while reading the text the first time that was pointed out to me on the website was, “Issue’s that are salient to us are probably also salient to others like us, so it’s likely there will be lots of other people working on those issues. This might mean that our additional efforts have even less impact. So going with whichever cause we’re first drawn to seems like a bad strategy.” When first reading the text I took out that art is very pleasing, satisfying, and can be calming for the human mind. This still applies the second time around, except now, I understand that it is satisfying if the work is put into deep thought and energized into the right ‘cause’. Research has to be done beforehand.

In addition glossing the text helped tremendously. When I read any form of text and come across a word or phrase that I don’t understand, I tend to just skip over it. Given a list of words with definitions from this text, helped me realize I should start to look up words when I actually do not know them. A word that I looked up was gauntlet. This had a few definitions, mainly ones that were medieval, but the one that fit this situation was, a testing ordeal; trial (http://www.dictionary.com/browse/gauntlet?s=t). Getting to look at a little background information of the EA was super important and impactful because I got to understand my initial thoughts more with a deeper and better understanding.  

After reading Rhys Southans text, “Is Art a Waste of Time?” I came across a couple points that stuck out to me. One point tied together with two different statements is, “They’re more interested in how we could use art to reduce the suffering of humans, animals, and future beings,” which relates back to the statement of, “It would be great if the arts and humanities were hugely beneficial to the world, because they tend to be personally satisfying.” Both these two statements reflect how art is believed to only help the person creating the art, rather than helping the world that we live in. This text has a focus point of wanting to help and cure human lives and suffering and diseases. The last quote pretty much claims that art is actually a waste of time. Personally, I would have to say otherwise. My thoughts are supported with this first quote. Certain types of art can be a stress reliever as it soothes the mind. Also, it has been know that playing music can calm a dog down. I also believe, that art can play a key factor in reducing a mental illness. It doesn’t matter what type, but when a person invests their time into something that they enjoy, amazing work can come out of it, that is why art can be “personally satisfying.” Furthermore, another point that stuck out to me was, “By definition, most artists are mediocre, and their art doesn’t really please many people, if any” and “Everyone can be doing more than they currently are.” This first quote made me first think, many artists who sing and write music don’t make songs that are relevant, some are random and some pander. Yet, music is good for the soul. It can transform and change a person’s mood instantly. The last quote stuck out to me a lot. It made me wonder what I could be doing in my life that could change to better the world around me. My thoughts in the margins were that this text focuses on curing the world from the things people are dying from. A few thoughts that came out of it were, people who make lots of money need to contribute it to the world more, people are being self absorbed, and people need to work and make more of an effort.  

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